Here goes something. I almost feel like I should be saying, "Hi. My name is Janel, and I'm a foodaholic." However that is not what I am. I am an imperfect person, someone who screws up big and often. I have done almost everything that falls within the legal boundaries. However, even more than that I am a child of God. The Creator knit me together and made me who I am. He doesn't say "Oops, there's a big loser." Instead He says that I am wonderful, amazing and most importantly His.
Now, I have not always felt this way. Not by a long shot! There were days when I would have much rather died than get up and go to work, much less go walk, swim, or do any kind of exercise. There are days when I still feel that way.
Why you may ask? Why do you feel this way? How does Satan grab a hold of me and trick me into feeling like this? Well, that easier is both easier and harder to answer than you might think.
I have always been "big, and I mean overweight big. I don't remember ever being under 180. Ok. I get it. Some if not most of you are thinking that's not big. I'm talking I was not a teenager when I was that big. By the time I was a teenager I was over 200. I have recently gotten up to 320. I think that at times Satan cranks up the stereo that plays in my head to deafening levels and I don't bother to go turn it down the way I would my daughter's music.
Why do I not do that? I'm used to hearing what that tape plays.
"You're not worth it. You don't deserve to be loved. You will never lose weight again." I typically listen to that until I've been kicked in the rear enough that I go and turn it off. However, Satan slips back in and turns it back on. Well, I have unplugged that stereo, burned that tape, and am praying that Satan doesn't have a backup copy.
You see, you tell someone something for long enough and they believe it. I have a manager who is supportive and that is awesome! I have a guy friend, who I have just recently become friends with, who builds me up.
You place yourself around others who will build you up and good things....no great things will happen.
God has a plan for each of us and I can't wait to see what His plan is for me from here. However, I do have to make some changes to make sure that I am around for that plan to come to fruition.
I have only recently begun using the FitBit Flex. I think it's helping me more than anything else I've tried. To prove that point, I have lost a total of 12 pounds since I went to the Dr and was told I weighed 320 pounds. By the way, that's the heaviest I've ever been! It's scary. I felt depressed and Satan cranked that stereo back up. Well, enough was enough and that was when I unplugged that stereo and burned that tape. I'm working on a new tape to play for myself. One that tells me that I am worth it. I am loveable and worthy of love. I will lose the weight and keep it off.
My friends, do not let Satan control that stereo of yours! You get to decide what gets played on it and what doesn't. Make it a tape full of things that build you up.
Let me be the first voice.
YOU ARE WORTH IT! YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE! YOU ARE LOVED!
Keep up this positivity and surround yourself with people who believe in you and follow your beliefs in all aspects, your faith in you and your faith in God! You have so much to offer and more importantly you have a beautiful daughter that looks up to you. I pray for you as you venture on this journey to healthier you. You are right, you are worth it!
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